Tuesday, May 24, 2016


Is it just me, or are periods nastier after childbirth? I have never had such massive stomach cramps before this... feels like the spawn of Satan is trying to tear his way out of me.

Anyway, I've discovered that those pink period pills do work wonders during times like this, not that I'd recommend it... warm compress and exercises are still best for me body, if only time and location allows for it.

Can't my cycle take a longer vacation, damnit?!

Friday, May 20, 2016

I miss...




...badminton over the fence.

...climbing ropes.

...building gadgets out of kayu bakau.

...galah panjang.


...night markets at my pace.

...experiencing food.

...homecooked food.

...soup with every meal.

...Esther happily eating the food I made.

...food being affordable.

...sitting in any of Ms Winnie's lectures, even if she decides to give another one of her pop quizzes.

...running another research.

...hour-long chats about life and love over the phone.

...being the "big sister".

...girly night outs.

...going on train rides with a loved one.

...watching movies together at home.

...being excited to write again.





...smiling for real.

Friday, May 01, 2015

May already?

Can't believe that it's already May.

I guess that I'm sort of relieved. April, for the past couple of years, has been a month of misery.

First, it was learning about Sleepy's state. Managed to spend our last few moments together before he left for good.

The following year, the memory was still fresh in me. I still remembered our last exchange with one another while he was still conscious. It wasn't even a proper goodbye.

This year, I wanted to remember him. I did. But there were other pressing matters in hand that I hadn't been able to pay tribute to him. I had to stop Death from meeting someone else before his time. Unfortunately, it took the life out of me while doing so. It's not easy being there for someone whom has shut the world off.

April seems like the time of the year where I'm tested over and over again. It's the month when my life began, but I sure hope it isn't the month my life ends.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Not one of the better birthdays.

Being unable to help the people I care for cripples me.

Like an arrow shot into my chest, I can feel my life slowly draining away into oblivion... slowly losing sense of what is going on around me... as I feel only the pain from the arrow because it hurts like hell. But eventually, as I weaken, I would probably forget that I was even hurt... forgetting that there was even something piercing through my soul... surviving only if I was a living dead...

... if that even means survival at all.

Monday, March 09, 2015

I've not forgotten.

Happy birthday, Sleepy.