Thursday, July 07, 2016

Thankful.

Am feeling so grateful for the friend that's been by my side these past couple of weeks... For eating, drinking and walking with me. For knowing when I'm down without me needing to tell him. For being brutally honest for my own sake. For making a fool out of himself just to make me laugh. For making my days feel a little less miserable.

Thank you, Z. :)

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

Damnit.

So you've started talking to me again. I thought I'd be elated but... Uggghh I still feel so unsettled.

What the heck happened prior to this? I don't think I should be asking anytime soon or things may turn sour again.

Oh God. I hate this. This curiosity mixed with the worry that I'd send the wrong signals... I don't know how much more awkward I'm gonna be.

Damnit.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Intuition.

To that certain someone...

My intuition tells me that you're avoiding me... are you?

You're always telling me to trust my intuitions because I've always gotten them right... just that I've always doubted myself. Now I'm really wishing that there are enough logical reasons to doubt myself this time, but all signs point to my intuition being right again.

So tell me, are you avoiding me?

You know how much I hate being expected to read minds... so why won't you look me in the eye these days?

You're so gloomy nowadays. I don't see you smile or eat. You reject when I offer you food. Your answers are short with me. Your questions for me... seems forced, especially when you answer them on my behalf, seemingly so you can move on to the others.

I really thought that we had a connection as friends. But all of the sudden, incident after another, you're pulling away.

Am I not worthy of this friendship?

Even if I am not... a simple "yes" or "no" would really be nice.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Pain.

The sharp pain has returned. Ugh... I hope it's nothing serious. I don't know how long I can delay seeing someone about it.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Bigger.

Last night during our bedtime chat, Esther told me that a classmate told her, "Your father is ugly". She did not scold her, but deep down inside, she was boiling with anger.

"I think she's lying. I don't think she has even seen papa. I'm going to test her and see if she knows what papa looks like," Esther told me.

All of the sudden, I realized that the kiddo is no longer a little girl anymore. She's keeping memories of the day, not letting go of things that bothered her. She isn't a child that easily forgives and forgets anymore.

Looks like I'll have to start preparing myself for the onset of her puberty soon.