This afternoon, to be precise.
Today is the day that I'll lose a friend. A friend who has been loyal since the first day I entered into this household.
Today's the day I see dear Max off.
Choosing to let go has not been an easy decision. My heart tells me to hold on, but my brain knows that it would only be for the best.
He can't eat on his own.
He can't drink on his own.
He no longer barks.
He can barely stand.
And he slips when he does. Even though I've laid foam mats on the floor to minimize the slippage.
And the saddest thing is......is.........is that he's been crying a lot these past 5 days.
I've prayed for miracles day after day, hoping that he'll get better. But now I realise that the only miracle that can happen, and will be happening in a few hours or so, is that I will choose to let him live that better life, away from his aging body. I need to stop that stream of tears I've been seeing these past couple of days, and let me take it on from there instead.
I'm still hoping that when I take him to the vet later, there will be some sort of miracle. But if there isn't, I guess I'll have to learn to accept that it'll suck living in this world when I am in so much pain.
|29 December 2014. He's still able to stand on his own, though he still slips every now and then.|
|11 January 2015. Ever curious and helpful even at his old age. He must have thought we still needed help with holding the planks down for sawing...but no, Max, we've moved on to the sanding part already!|
|19 January 2015. He's very reliant on the foam mats to get about. And this standing position? I had to carry him up to get him out of his post-slipping spread-eagle position.|
|19 January 2015. Letting him sleep indoors...but in the end, he still preferred the outdoors.|
I dread this afternoon. I'm still hoping for the vet to say that there's still hope. But what are the chances when all seems so bleak?